About me

There are two main drivers for this blog. Firstly it is for me, so that I can clearly articulate why I have renounced my religion and also to help friends and relatives who can’t understand how I have come to my current position and I believe are genuinely worried for me. 

I am not attempting to persuade anyone to change their way of life or to (un)convert them. I am not making an effort to gain friends. This is purely an attempt to allay fears (not likely) and an attempt to explain why? (hopefully)

The position that I now hold doesn’t have a promise of paradise, it doesn’t have an after-life, or a saviour that can save me from a fiery hell where I will burn forever. I have no one to be a scapegoat for me on which my own wrongdoing can be cast. I am responsible before all else, for my own actions and the decisions I make, I am responsible for me. I have nowhere to hide and no-one to hide behind any more. This is about me being honest with myself and others, and saying it as I see it. If you think that I am out to convert you or to un-convert a friend, just consider for a moment… This is not a very appealing ‘gospel’ I'm proclaiming. It’s not a position that will win many converts, it’s not an easy road that I have taken.  In fact I have lost friends and acquaintances I have lost the social gatherings, I have seriously depleted the network that I used to work within. I have hampered conversations and communication with old friends. I no longer have an outlet for sharing deep meaningful thoughts. Its been costly in many ways but, I am true to myself, my integrity is intact and I am more at peace than I have been for a long while. That, for me, is of utmost importance. I can breathe fresh air and honestly declare my position, my position of uncertainty.  As I look back I was unhappily contented and confident in what I considered to be truth. I am now happily contented and uncertain of anything. I am now at a stage where I look forward to the next part of my journey through life. So let me reassure you this is not a tool to convert you to my form of spirituality.

If I offend you or your beliefs please forgive me. It is not my intention and not what I hope to do. I approach this with a humble attitude. I will hopefully show why I have ‘lost my faith’ or more accurately decided that the Christian faith (whatever that is?) is not for me and therefore why I am no longer a Christian.

Please understand that I don’t want to come over as judgemental, condemning or negative. The steps that I describe here are the most difficult that I have ever taken in my life. I wanted more than anything to believe in the Christian God. I have spent the past 40 years of my life proclaiming salvation through faith in the death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ. This is about my walk, my experience, and my journey.

I have studied the Bible for many years, have graduated from a training program for pastors / teachers, been a, Missionary, Sunday School Teacher, Worship leader, Associate Pastor, preacher,  evangelist and been a church planter. I have taught the tenets of Christianity and tackled the difficult passages and had a reputation for being able to preach with conviction and with power. I have had faith and held it with conviction and fervour. I was a Christian for 25 years, was brought up in a Christian home and at the age of 18 rebelled against my upbringing. At 25 I decided to follow Jesus for myself and embraced all the above activities in several local churches with true belief and honesty. I knew my salvation and placed my complete trust in Jesus to save me. I was saved. 

Now this in itself will offend many. A simple google search will prove, depending on your interpretation of scripture that, I wasn’t saved in the first place, or that I am now doomed forever, or I am still saved but just in denial. Which is it? 

Preachers, as demonstrated with a simple google search can point to different scriptures to push their own view of what God is actually saying in his word. 

Similar use of the ‘word of God’ is applied to many different arguments. I question whether the unambiguous word of God has any definitive argument on anything or is it always open to interpretation? Is it there to be applied to your current situation and interpreted by the spirit for that given purpose? With that approach then the outworking would be just what we see in the Christian church today…. Countless sects / denominations all majoring on one aspect or one particular doctrine. All praying for unity but all holding dear to their pet doctrines at the expense of all else. The Christian church of today has arrived at its current doctrinal position after 2000 years of refinement and affirmation of many foundational doctrines. Many church fathers were persecuted or excommunicated or even worse, killed, sometimes in the cruelest fashion because they dared to disagree with the most vocal of their 'brothers'. They were tried and found guilty of heresy because they dared to interpret the scriptures in a different way to others. It seems that the Holy Spirit has always been divided and has interpreted scripture in several ways through time. It is often by the sword or by some other form of torture that the ‘christian truth’ has prevailed. Doctrines such as the trinity, eternal torment, the nature of sin, believers baptism etc etc. (It could be a very long list) have all been fought over to prevent disagreement and disunity in the Christian church and it was not uncommon for the minority to be slaughtered for their beliefs as they were seen as heretical and very dangerous to the might and power of the church leaders. Mostly the church fathers were against death for heresy but excommunication gave a green light to the political powers to act where the church would not.

As we continue to look at these matters together please be consistent and hold the same standard of scrutiny to your own faith as you hold to all others. Most of us have to step away from our presuppositions in order to examine them objectively.  I wanted to believe in the Christian God, I wanted him to be a good god, but you will see below that when I dug deep in the bible I found things that no moral being I could ever respect would ever do. 

We assess others by what they do, not by what they “say” about themselves, not by the books they write, or what they simply claim to be.  Actions speak louder than words, and below you will see the actions of the biblical God that forced me to reconsider my position and reluctantly the position that I had preached and held dear to myself. It has been like a waking up.

After my announcement that I no longer believed, someone said to me that I had got it all wrong and they wanted to jolt me from my error and be restored to their position of faith. I was told to 'wake up and smell the coffee'. The funny thing is, that is exactly what has happened to me. I have woken up, smelt the coffee and risen from my slumber.

Rob Pattison 1st August 2013