Introduction to this blog

As I get older I am becoming increasingly aware of how little time I have on this earth. I am eager to enjoy every second and to waste none. I have seen my priorities change and adapt as I find myself more eager than ever to seek for truth. Many people will stand with me and consider that to be a very worthwhile aim. However, even though we may stand together as 'brothers in arms', when it comes to challenging all that we've been taught as children, all that we have accepted in adulthood, all that our culture holds as core values, then suddenly the world can become a very scary place. When contemplating the meaning of life and the reason or purpose of our lives, often we share what is actually a natural reaction and shrink back into our shells where we feel safe and much less vulnerable. A place where we are prepared to settle with what we've been fed for the semblance of a false security and a comfortable life.
For me personally, I have been blessed (although some may see it as a curse) with a desire to get to the truth. I will risk being shot down for the sake of doing what I perceive to be right. I have often found myself in sticky situations because I have this self-destruct challenge for what I perceive to be wrong or mis-leading. I have never been labelled a sheep, but have instead been called a bull elephant. My way has always been to challenge the accepted norms  or at least to gain a reason for a long accepted behaviour and force through, even against the odds, to a place that sits more comfortably with my world view. I remember back in 1994 being called a bull elephant and being told that my nature was to force a way through the undergrowth with a chevron of similar minds in tow. I don't know about that, but I do seem to rustle a few feathers (maybe leaves) every now and then.
I write this with a particular type of person in mind, someone just like me. Someone who has left the religion of their parents and now finds themselves in a big scary new world almost as a foreigner. It causes them to rethink their entire world view. It causes them to look at all aspects of life as their structure and protective, easy life where values and prescribed thought patterns are now stripped away. The decisions that are made daily are no longer as a result of faith, but simply fashioned and powered by careful calculation and not by a pre-determined overview. All this, whilst struggling with relationships due to this fundamental change. Whilst suddenly feeling insecure in most aspects of life and whilst wrestling with all the alternative world views and ways of life as practised around them. It's not that they want to cause angst to any that they love or live with, but simply a conscience clearing exercise that can no longer be ignored. These people have to assess every aspect of life that before was a given and suddenly has become negotiable again. Where do they now fit into the world around them?

Let me state at the outset of this blog that I have no desire to unsettle any reader. This blog is aimed at those who, like me, want to discover truth. I can speak from personal experience that it may cost you dearly in many different ways but pursuit of truth for me is far more important than keeping face and not 'rocking the boat'. I understand that some might feel anxious at just the suggestion that everything you have based your life on is maybe not as rock-solid as you have always been led to believe and always held onto for comfort, security and future hope. I respect those feelings, and I honestly do understand your position. History shows that we have an inbuilt human characteristic to defend our homestead and family and way of life. We want to defend that, into which we have poured our lives and loyalty. You might fear that if you start to let your guard down, your loyalties may crumble, and I understand your reserve; but, surely the reality of truth cannot be shaken, and surely God understands our questions anyway. He, most of all, would not be afraid of our searching. This is actually a 'win - win' situation for each of us. If God is truth then your eventual discovery will confirm your beliefs and you will confirm all that you hold dear. If your current position is proved to be false, you will be released from error and embark on a pursuit of truth. I believe that if there is a God? then he would have you seeking honest answers to difficult questions. He would want you to not be bound up in deception. Either that, or he is not the kind of God that I would want to serve or acknowledge anyway.

When I began this phase of my life I was told “whatever you are into now, I will not follow you. You may be correct but I will not follow you because I have too much to lose.” I really do understand this position too. I'm not looking for converts or for any followers. This blog is not meant to persuade you or anyone else of my position. It's not meant to get you to abandon your faith and join me in some kind of non-religious non-religion or in some kind of non-churchy church type thing. I simply want to put what I have discovered, out there, giving my readers information that is often hushed or never spoken about. I feel it important to lay out all opinions and all the facts thereby giving the whole truth to readers. I am convinced that if informed with all the facts then free-thinking people will be released into a new kind of freedom. I suppose I am hoping that this blog will be a help to people like me who were or still are genuinely 'a Christian', but find that their faith has been taken back or that they have now begun to question the very things that they have built there lives upon. I do believe that a person can be an ex-christian. I think it is possible for a 'believer' to become an agnostic or atheist. Many teach that this is not possible. In my experience it is.

When I became a Christian I alienated people (friends and family). I took on strange customs (Baptism, Lord’s supper(Holy Communion), endless meetings with God’s people (Church Meetings)) and my values changed. Most of my friends didn’t understand why I had chosen such a path. It had become a serious step in my life that crossed the line of a weekly attendance at church and had progressed to being something that affected my whole life. My friends wanted to understand, but for them this was a step too far. I lost friends and alienated family for the sake of my religion. I chose God and the church over them, and therefore paid the price for my single-mindedness. This has been a common theme throughout my life and the crux of the matter. Any change of life emphasis may be costly. I have so much that I could lose over this simple step of renouncement that it has been the most difficult step that I have ever taken. I have feared for my marriage and my family and my friends etc. and having counted the cost, I still have to go with my conscience. It is of great importance to me, to live life openly and fully and for my conscience to be clear and settled, even if I still have many unanswered questions.

Sometimes in life you have to bury your feelings for the sake of others. On the contrary, some times in life you have to risk all else and stand up for what you believe in. For me this step is about being true to self and honest with all I meet. I am exploring. I am discovering new things and I am eager to continue doing so. Life seems exciting and challenging once again. For the first time in 25 years I haven’t got things all sorted in my life. On the contrary, I have set sail on a voyage of discovery. I don’t know which lands I will discover, I don’t know which oceans I’ll be drifting in. But I know this, that this journey of life will always be exciting and always challenging and I'll always be living on the edge.

Long live freedom and uncertainty. What an adventure.

Rob Pattison 1st August 2013